Last Tuesday we went with friends to Absolute Comedy, one of Ottawa’s comedy clubs. I always enjoy watching comedians – it’s really not that hard to get me to laugh.
The set-up is very intimate at Absolute Comedy and the host (slash owner slash comedian slash bouncer) sat us right up front, less than a metre from the performers (that’s really close for those of you not on the metric system ;)). All of us said we would be happier somewhere else, but he insisted that we would have a great night, that he’d been waiting for this show for a year and a half, and he would not take no for an answer.
We made it through the entire line-up of comedians before the headliner without getting picked on, aside from some friendly banter initiated by a member of our group who was the most vehement with his protests against sitting up front – figures he’d be the one to call out comments to the comics!
But then came the headliner. He was the best one of the bunch and I was laughing my head off, at ease that none of the comics were the picking-on-the-audience type. But I was wrong. Nearing the end of his act, the headliner turned the tables on us and started asking Steve and I questions. When he found out we met speed-dating, he rolled with it and made some hilarious jokes at our expense. It actually wasn’t so bad until he shifted the focus to just me and started joking that he and I had been making some intense eye-contact and that he was starting to feel a connection. But we’re both married, he bemoaned, so it could never be. He asked permission from Steve if it would be alright if he sang me a song – then he broke out into a passionate lip-singing rendition of Whitney Houston’s I Will Always Love You. And I broke out in a red hot blush-fest. What got me most was that he quivered his lips melodramatically with each prolonged note in the song and stared right at me. I couldn’t handle it. My cheeks were lobster red and all I could think was that he’d chosen the longest song of all time.